The Backstory to Love Dynamics

Growing up in a single parent household raised by my mother meant that I did not learn love dynamics as a child or young man. Like Richard La Ruina, I grew up without male role models which meant that I had no concept of masculinity and did not possess sexual confidence. As the quote states, men that do not know love dynamics encounter great suffering in their life, and I suffered.

My first serious long-term relationship was with a girl during my undergraduate that walked all over me and the only defense I had was the maxim I was taught, “Just be nice” from my mother. Needless to say that this lead to daily suffering in the relationship as she did not respect me and was not convinced that I had optionality.

It wasn’t until the winter of 2008, when I met my soon to be mentor that my life would change. By interning with James Amoureaux of Chicago-based dating group, TantraLogic, I recovered from my ‘nice guy syndrome’ and James helped to reprogram me to be an assertive, hyper-social, and masculine male through a 6 month desensitization program to deal with approach anxiety and other beta male limiting beliefs.

Through TantraLogic’s training program and going out almost every night for a year, I developed a powerful masculine & social psychology which is called inner game. Inner game can be referred to as a set of resourceful beliefs that drive positive results including the mastery of spontaneous intimacy (SNS) as well as multiple long term relationships (MLTRs).

Regarding my first serious long term relationship, as my mindset shifted from beta to alpha, my behavior changed as well. Due to an increase in optionality, social confidence & sexual confidence, I began teasing her frame/bad behavior instead of getting upset by it or reacting to it and this led to establishing dominance in the interaction and reclaiming my masculinity.

By re-masculinizing myself and sexualizing the interaction I introduced the justice concept into the relationship. Her virtue would no longer be assumed onto her but rather had to be earned through good behavior. Bad behavior would no longer be rewarded but would cause me to redirect my focus elsewhere. This led her to respecting me as a man and was attraction-inducing as well.

As you can imagine this completely altered the dynamic of the relationship and she began to behave like the girl I knew was under her terrible behavior. She began to chase me and we enjoyed an amazing relationship.

From here, I continued to hone my game until I serendipitously met the love of my life and wife of 7 years now, Svitlana Herlache. In doing so, I ceased doing pickup or Western style dating and simply enjoyed an Eastern style soulmate relationship.

Changes like this one are possible if you make the conscious decision to have a growth mindset and commit to learning and mastering the concepts in the book.